Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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