I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
