Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet he comes in French.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
