A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
