batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
