Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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