a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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