I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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