the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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