1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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