You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
