yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
