Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
