look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want a musical about memes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
