My underwear smells like fireworks.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
