remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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