I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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