Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
