Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
