i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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