I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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