We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
