You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
