Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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