Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
