am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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