I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
