She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
