Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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