After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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