my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
