Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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