Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
