I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
