is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
