who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
