Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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