this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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