I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
