seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
