You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
