I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
