Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
