physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
