a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just gift wrapped bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
