My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
