You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
