they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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