4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
