I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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