omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
