We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
