Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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