and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
