I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
