boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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