i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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