dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
