maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
