I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
