At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
