Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
