You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
