new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
