My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
