I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
