Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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