Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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