can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
