I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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