That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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