Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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