It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
