he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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