2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
