I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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