i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
