ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
