how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
