I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
