the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
