At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
