i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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