Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
