Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
