sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
