Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
