You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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