I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
